The Spider Attack... For Ellen!

My friend Ellen told me that I should create a blog so that I can tell the world about all of my mishaps and adventures. I figured... "Why the F not?". So here I am!

My latest adventure took place just a few days ago. There I am, sitting on my window seat smoking a cigarette, minding my own business when I see a small family of spiders sharing the seat with me. I decided it would be best to grab the closest object (a candle) and smash the ever loving crap out of them. As I began to slam the candle down, the spiders retreated to the inside of the window seat. I in turn rip the window seat open to further attack the little buggers with my trusty candle. Upon opening the window seat I discovered that the family brought along some friends! I'm guessing there was the better part of a hundred of them. I immediately clinched my butt cheeks together to avoid shitting myself and then looked at the candle that I'm still firmly grasping in my hand. For some reason the first thing that came to mind was to chuck the candle into the swarm and that would have to solve my problem... right? Not so much!! Instead of killing them all with a single shot (unlikely I know, but I was hoping) it only pissed them off. This is where the attack began. Now that the spiders were sufficiently angry they began to leave the confines of the window seat and come toward me. This sent me screaming from my room like a little girl. On my quick trip down the stairs I had an epiphany!!! I'll just suck them up with the shop vac!! I grabbed said shop vac and marched valiantly back into my room. With the flip of the switch I flew into action. Spider after spider fell to my almighty shop vac. After several minutes the battle was over, I was victorious!!!! I rummaged through my garage and was able to find some insect killer and used the whole gallon on the window seat. I patted myself on the back to celebrate my triumph when I looked over toward the shop vac... I realized that the spiders were probably still alive and now they would likely elect a leader, begin to multiply, and stage a rebellion. With all the courage I could muster, I picked it up and carried it swiftly to the porch. Having used all of the insect killer I was at a loss. The only course of action I could take was to fill a bucket with water and use the shop vac to suck it all up. In doing so I hope that the spiders are now enjoying a watery grave, but you can bet that the shop vac will not be coming back into this house for quite some time!!! I'm not sure how that many spiders found there way into my house and I'm not sure I want to know, but let this blog be a warning to spiders everywhere... I have a shop vac and I'm not afraid to use it!!!